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me on my way home from class: oh man i'm gonna get so much work done let me make a to do list and get that shit done quickly and effectively i'm so pumped
me the second i get home: nah



A relationship is like a house

If a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.

Unless that house is a lying whore

Then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.

This took the best possible turn.


when you pass an exam you expected to fail



when two of your friends get into an argument and they both try to drag you in for support and you’re like


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